Monday, April 26, 2010

178 Days of Hue; Part 1

March 24, 2010
11:59 pm

I tried sleeping but I can’t.
I woke up at around 11. Maybe I slept too early. My body clock had somehow adjusted to a late-night sleep and wake-up time of four or five hours after. But then I told myself tonight I’ll sleep early so by tomorrow, graduation day, I’ll look my best.

Maybe I’m just too excited, or too sad, about the occasion. Maybe I love the fact that finally, I’m going to college and be with my father in Manila to study the Arts. Maybe, I can’t sleep because I’m not yet prepared to leave my mother and my younger brother. I guess that just defines the word annulment: ambivalence.

And speaking of separation of two couples, I can’t sleep because I had dreamt for a while about my ex. When I woke up, it stroke me that I should blog about something great that had entered my mind in that instant. So here I go.

5 things you might not know about nerds:

1) They can kiss.
2) They have a sense of humor.
3) They are not vegetarian.
4) They can punch.
5) They can break hearts.

Movies have typical depictions of nerds. I have met one and fallen in love with him, and I can attest to the fallacy movies show. The one I’ve fallen in love with made me cry and maybe it’s the first time you’ve heard of something like that.

Tomorrow, he’ll stand there by the podium and deliver his valedictory speech. I want to be happy for him but then I know that once I get to see him, look at him, hear him speak of his victory, I will cry. I don’t want to blame his achievements it’s just that it reminds me that he’s still a nerd: all for academics.

Good night.
Hope I won’t cry in my sleep.

Georgette =*(

March 26, 2010
1:19 am

I would have wanted to talk about the feeling of a new graduate, of my plans in the future. But then I can’t seem to do that. Honestly, I was kind of tipsy or maybe drunk but I was just denying, because I just got home from Smallville. The graduation ceremony ended around seven in the evening. My mother had prepared dinner so I stayed for a while to entertain the visitors she had invited. None of my classmates came because they were all busy with their family dinners and for their night out plan. My theater club friends especially were insistent about me coming with them. Let’s say goodbye to high school, shall we? France was saying. I only agreed when Gary, the one who knew well the reason why I would prefer staying at home, whispered to me, “He’s not coming.”

In short, my entry will be about Hue. And sorry if I’m playing the emo side of me, I just had enough alcohol to fuel it.

I’ve tried my hardest chanting Please don’t let me see him in my mind. I have been quite successful not until the prophesized moment came. When his name was called, I closed my eyes. As he began speaking, I’ve wished I could cover my ears too. Because for me, it seemed like every sense of him just makes my heart too fragile to beat.

I remember…
Those were his first words. I never heard the rest. I stood up as casual as I can and walked outside the auditorium. I sat by a bench in the lobby together with an eight-year-old who was busy playing with his PSP. When I looked around the empty lobby, I confirmed I’ve gone crazy. Nobody wants to miss the graduation, especially the valedictory speech as it is tradition that valedictory speeches are exceptional. But here I go, childish, like the little boy beside me.

But then he has a good excuse for being here. He has nothing to do with speeches while I was one of the graduates and I was supposed to be hearing that too. It was supposed to be an inspiration but for me, it will only sound like a rejection.

Minutes later, the exit door opened and noise filled the lobby again. I received a text message from Ivy that it’s time for picture-taking. I entered the auditorium all-relieved that I hadn’t shed a single tear.

The rest of the night, I haven’t seen him but I can hear his name. Here and there, they were talking about the valedictorian and how he had given the best speech the school had ever had. Joy whispered to me, “He talked about sacrifices,” despite the noise of a party going. Gary elbowed her and told me, “You should have listened.” I just looked at the both of them with a half-sided smile. “It’s better that I haven’t,” I said although deep in my mind, I would have wanted to know if he ever talked about me or us in his speech. I would have wanted to know if he ever cared about our relationship at one point in his academic years.

Goodbye, Hue.
Today’s day 178 since I noticed you.
Too bad it hasn’t lasted ‘til 200.

Georgette ‘x’


Post a Comment