Monday, April 26, 2010

178 Days of Hue, Part 5

November 8, 2009
6:21 am

I was supposed to blog about this as soon as arrived home but then I put it off because I just really want to digest everything that had happened to me.

Lloyd arranged for this dinner in this fancy restaurant. He had me all dressed up.
That night, too, Lloyd wasn’t himself. He’s not the sweet jock boyfriend that I know, he seemed like a mature gentleman winning a girl over.

I thought that was his intention, but I was wrong. In between the main course, when we were already having our usual laugh together, he just turned very seriously all of a sudden and proposed to me a break-up.

In my heart, I was filled with mixed emotions. I was surprised, first of all, because I have been thinking about it- bothering me- and now, it’s Lloyd who said it first and not me. At the same time, it felt like I was emotionally free, I don’t know, maybe it’s because I think all my worries about Lloyd vanished that instantly. But then, I was also sad. I never thought it will end this way, I loved Lloyd and I still do, it’s just that it’s different now.

He got to explain himself, how he thought about it, how he thought it was the right thing to do, that he still loves me but it can’t be helped. I accepted it, telling him that the days we were together were important to me and I’ll forever treasure and that I love him too but know that this is better.

We hugged then, and it was a warm hug, meaningful and lasting. We then finished the dinner with smiles in our faces, understanding each other more than we ever had.

Lloyd drove me home. The travel had been awkward since we were both silent. So in the midst of silence, I was surprised when he suddenly stopped by a fastfood restaurant. He asked me if it was okay to stay for a while because he’s waiting for something. I agreed and so we waited.

“Lloyd- sorry for keeping you waiting, we just had finished our meeting.”

I looked outside and saw Hue.
Now that was a surprise. What’s with these two guys?

Lloyd tilted his head to the back indicating to Hue that I was there. Hue smiled at me and asked, “You don’t mind eating fries with me inside?”

Lloyd did not look at me straight to the eye but through the ____ mirror. He just smiled but with the message that I should go. So as if Hue’s invitation was an imperative, I smiled back at Lloyd then got off the car.

Hue and I spent the rest of the night in the fastfood restaurant. He bought many foods, fatty foods, and ate them all. I just ate fries and had drinks since I was full with the dinner with Lloyd. I was just staring at him eating like a hungry child. He said he had not eaten much ever since the long meeting had begun. He asked me why I was looking at him… oddly. I told him I just never thought brain smarts like him eat meat too. When he gave me a querying look, I told him I thought they were vegetarians. We burst laughing awfully like that was some bomb kind of a joke. That’s how the nonstop trivia about ourselves, our getting-to-know stage, began.

When we noticed that the sky was already lightening up, we agreed to go home. He walked me home. By the time I close the door after waving goodbye to Hue, I was thinking…

Damn, I’m weirdly falling for the nerd…

Georgette ;)

December 7, 2009
9:38 pm

Nerd is a term, often bearing a derogatory connotation or stereotype, that refers to a person who passionately pursues intellectual activities, esoteric knowledge, or other obscure interests that are age-inappropriate, rather than engaging in more social or popular activities. Therefore, a nerd is often excluded from physical activity and considered a loner by peers, or will tend to associate with like-minded people.

That’s the probable reason why I called Hue a nerd. I thought he was all-intellectual, unattractive, and an antisocial person. But I found him the opposite of it and eventually fallen for him. After all the time I thought he was a nerd, he was in truth a cool person and I had a lot of weird fun with him, more than anything I had in my entire life.

And now, it was our one month together. Our first days as a couple were filled with queries of why-
Why him? Why dump Lloyd? Why did you choose the nerd? It’s like there is really an answer for all of these. Classmates and friends were saying that it’s okay to fall in love with a nerd, it’s just that they can’t believe it’s me who had. But then gradually, they had learned to accept it and we gradually turned into couple of the year- just as we are labeled in the Facebook pic.

And I’d love thinking about that, that for most, we are a perfect pair. I love Hue more each passing day. He would wait for me everyday at the school gates, help me with both academic and extra stuffs, surprise me every now and then, we would go out together, run under the rain, run against the sprinklers, hang out in the comedy bar, just lie on the grass, and I would wait outside the classroom for the meeting to end so that we can go home together, sit in front of him and watch him study in the library, wake him up to continue with his works, assignments, or plans, and etc.

But then inside my head, it dictates that as I love Hue more each day, my eyes were also opened to the fact that he is indeed a nerd.

Stereotypical nerd qualities have evolved in recent years, from awkwardness and social ostracism to an allegedly more widespread acceptance and sometimes even celebration of their abilities. This is largely attributable to the rise of the computer industry, which has allowed many "nerdy" people (most notably Bill Gates) to accumulate large fortunes and other measures of social prestige. Some measure of nerdiness is allegedly considered desirable, as to some, it suggests a person who is intelligent, respectful, interesting, and able to earn a large salary. Such views have arguably affected a waning emphasis on the social awkwardness of nerds, with more attention placed on their intelligence and academic enthusiasm.

My idea is to present an image to children that it is good to be intellectual, and not to care about the peer pressures to be anti-intellectual. I want every child to turn into a nerd - where that means someone who prefers studying and learning to competing for social dominance, which can unfortunately cause the downward spiral into social rejection.

— Gerald Sussman, quoted by Katie Hafner, The New York Times, 29 August 1993

Yes, he isn’t that ugly, object-of-bullying, loner type of guy but he was the kind who is intellectually powerful, powerful enough to manipulate everything else that he lacks thereof.
Although it may seem that he gets along well with people, I don’t know how I ever thought of it but I think it’s just his intellect working. Conversations with him are good conversations because he gets to pick up your interests, and he’s almost knowledgeable in every topic, which makes you feel light with him. He can be funny, but you know that it’s his intellect again working because he lets out only of witty things, always with meaning, and he never ever say anything nonsense.

He was academically and politically enthusiastic, and a lover of competition. He would stay up at night for tests and quizzes which only takes me 5 minutes of cramming to study. He would visit the library everyday to read the day’s newspaper and plan for the clubs he’s spearheading. He organizes everything weeks before and once he wants it done, will make it done. He loves joining decathlons and debates because for him, it is a release for everything that’s inside his head.

An episode from the animated series Freakazoid, titled "Nerdator", includes the use of nerds to power the mind of a Predator-like enemy, who delivers a memorable monologue on the importance of nerds:

...what they lack in physical strength they make up in brain power. Who writes all the best selling books? Nerds. Who directs the top grossing Hollywood movies? Nerds. Who creates the highly advanced technology that only they can understand? ...Nerds. And who are the people who run for the high office of the Presidency? No one but nerds.

One time when he fell asleep on his study table, I watched him with subtlety that a thought just suddenly popped in my head. What does our relationship mean to him? Who am I as a girlfriend for him? I wonder how nerds- intellectual, power-hungry type- define love.

I looked back at how everything started, looking from a point of view of a person who just realized the real nerdness of a certain Hue.

Maybe the change in the stage was indeed because of jealousy, not in a homosexual way, but in mind that he also wants to create. Maybe he had calculated the consequences of a simple kiss, schemingly planned how to steal me from Lloyd, settled meticulously a deal with him that’s why his and Lloyd’s feud had dissolved that easily. Maybe, he was just picking up on my interests and use his knowledge to keep up on me. Maybe he was doing everything else because according to his research, it’s what boyfriends do. Maybe he was telling me this and that because he doesn’t want to present a girlfriend who was physically and socially creatively apt but mentally and emotionally inept.

I shook my head then and run my hands through his hair. It was just me being emotional. Maybe I just hadn’t really grasped the fact that I was indeed in love with a nerd and that this nerd who is respected and loved by many is in love with me. Maybe I was just overwhelmed with the near-perfect relationship, too perfect, too good to be true.

Whichever way put, I was in love with him.The important thing is that he makes me happy…
But then forgive me for wondering how would he define his love for me… the nerdy definition.

Georgette ;)


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