Friday, May 14, 2010
Krizia delos Reyes, Gary Lawan, and 149 others like Hue Martinez’ note 5 things you might not know about spoiled brat it girls.
It girl, Queen Bee, Miss Popular.
Many names, many definitions.
Characteristics often associated to her are a pleasant appearance, charisma, skill in manipulation, and monetary power. The queen bee has substantial influence and power over the clique, and is usually envied and/or looked upon as a role model by clique members and at times by outsiders to the clique. Her actions are closely followed and imitated, even though they may not be of a positive nature.
She is the embodiment of a true to life it girl. Everyone knows her, looks up to her, girls and boys alike. Every girl wants to befriend her, every guy wants her attention. She loves her popularity and sometimes, it pushes her to be rude, insensitive, and immature.
These maybe true but it’s also wrong. Whatever aura they radiate to people was simply her personality. She simply wears this smile no one can resist. She simply dresses neat and clean and stylish. She simply is likeable to the male species. But then despite these, she’s not immune to imperfections. Sometimes, emotions get the better of her and she just can’t help but break down and give in to the emotions.
5 THINGS YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW ABOUT SPOILED BRAT IT GIRLS
1) They have real talent.
They can do make-up. They can dress up. They can dance with style. They can flirt.
These are the only talents I know they could ever have.
But I guess I was wrong. They can create a picture with meaning, built out of thinking, out of inner creativity. If they shout at nerds and calling them names for changing the design they made, it’s not because they are selfish, owning their design. It is because they take pride in whatever skill they have, they only want people to see who they really are through the things they created.
2) They date nerds.
Cheerleaders usually equal soccer or basketball superstars. Dating nerds only happens if they have ulterior motive. But then on the other side of some it girls, there’s a theater queen who is not in the center stage, who doesn’t crave for standing right on the spotlight. They date nerds because they understand them. They take time being with nerds simply because they want to, with no secret intentions. They date nerds not because they have manipulation in mind, but simply because they are falling in love.
3) They do wake up early and can make good coffee, sandwich, lunch, or dinner.
One of the routines of it girls is having their beauty sleep. However, this is wrong. They can stay up late at night reading random books just to wake up nerds who are getting sleepy in front of their student council proposal to be submitted the next day. It girls can wake up to the sound of an alarm clock nerds can’t even hear. They wake up before nerds do to and make coffees which nerds can’t live without. They don’t rely on cafeteria food, or packed diet, because they bring their own food stuffed with different meats and cheeses to share with their nerd boyfriends. Sometimes, they invite their nerd boyfriends to dinner that they themselves made.
4) What confidence they exude, they also share.
It girls are known to be confident creatures. They take pride in their looks, in their grace, in their poise, in what they own. I never thought they also know such thing as helping. It girls also scribbles in their nerd boyfriends’ notes things like “You can do it!”, “I believe in you”, “Keep believin’!”, “You’re the best”. They don’t keep every compliment to themselves. They also give.
5) They are hard to let go.
"IT" is that quality possessed by some which draws all others with its magnetic force.
It girls are known to be experts at flings and short-term relationships, as short as a minute. But then as much as that, they have the ability to keep a relationship going, so much that when it comes to a destined end, the pull of the emotions nerds feel for it girls are not fading instantly.
Just as it girls are vulnerable to imperfections, nerds are too. They may seem to know everything, calculate every single decision, and think over every step… but then they can be wrong too. And love… is like a nerd’s kryptonite. At first, love may seem to be easily felt and analyzing every move can be a breeze. When you think everything is in its place, the tables will start turning around, and what you carefully planned was suddenly starting to plan for you.
Maybe that’s why it girls and nerds never budge too much. Nerds have an envisioned future while it girls don’t have that sometimes they tend to join the nerds on their road which destroys a carefully planned future. But then a nerd would be foolish enough to not notice the contribution of this crossover. Foolish will be the nerd who is afraid to recreate a different and better future.
To the It girl I’m still in love with…
I was consumed with my ambition I thought that I must choose.
I did not choose you because I’m afraid.
You know too much about me, your 12-07-09 entry I mean. It’s almost like you know everything about me. And it scares me. I have never been vulnerable in my life, not until I knew you.
But then I’ve realized being vulnerable is good. It may have rendered me weak, but it had made me open myself to people- to you.
Nerds know no definition of love, all I know for a fact is that we feel it.
I love you, George, my it girl.
Gary: So nice of you, Hue.
Justine: George girl, you got to give this man a chance… or else.
Mary: @Justine: I think I know what ‘or else’ means, you bitch.
Justine: @Mary: I know you want to say that too, I just did it first
Jenna: Super like!
McCartney: Are you really Hue?
Harold: @McCartney: for the first time, I’m agreeing with you hahahahaha
Gary: @McCartney and Harold: That’s what you call a REAL guy, FYI
George Landazabal is blogging again at moredayswithhue.blogspot.com.
Monday, April 26, 2010
March 5, 2010
He broke up with me.
What the hell?
Goddamnit, it’s March! Of all times, why March?!
The truth is I don’t care if it’s March… The truth is that I want to bang my head hard on the wall. He deserves an applause. He did the most humiliating break up to me and that is more of my concern than March.
Damn, I’m going crazy.
Maybe that’s what they do, nerds I mean. You get irritated with them because they get so annoying that it drives you crazy. When you start to understand them, and fell for them, the fact that you are falling for a nerd drives you crazy. Being in love with a nerd itself is crazy. Thinking you and a nerd has a romantic future is crazy. A George being dumped by some nerd named Hue is crazy. Hue dumping George in front of the student crowd, holding her congratulations gift to him with a stupid smile on her face because she is confident he’ll be announced valedictorian of the class, was even crazier. Crying over a nerd was the craziest of them all.
Why did I fell in love with him in the first place?
Scratch that. I know why, plenty of reasons, and I won’t enumerate ‘coz I’ll go softy on that one and cry again.
The question is: Why does it have to hurt so much?
PERMISSION FOR LAST SLOPPINESS
March 31, 2010
I woke up noticing that today’s the last day of March. And I thought about Hue. And the memories came flooding again.
So please, give me this one chance to cry everything out, by that I mean not only to rant but also to cry tears. I promise, promise promise, that this will be the last.Tomorrow, April, will be a new day.
7 things I’ll be saying goodbye to:
1) Sit opposite him in the library table, watching him as he study or read or something, just by looking at him I’m falling even more in love with him. Since it now belongs to the goodbye-list, maybe I’ll say goodbye to falling more in love with him too. Which is good, I think, for moving on.
2) Fighting over chicken skin and the fatso part of the pork, arguing to ourselves how we can be so unhealthy and snob the thought right after.
3) Being honest with someone, someone who turns out to be Hue. And talking like a smart-ass, because being with him feels like it was necessary. I always find that funny, he too.
4) Walking into surprises- heart-pounding, knee jellying, Damn! I love this guy-flashes-in-my-head-inducing kind of surprises using the most common elements, you know- candlelight, flowers, chocolates, teddies, etc.
5) Enjoying studying… seriously! I mean, it felt good after all to really learn from what you’re reading, it’s not just because it comes along with fantasizing (sometimes I do that), but he really is a good teacher. Real good…
6) A guy who fulfills expectations, the kind who you found to be standing at the school gates when you expect him to be there waiting for you, who sings to you when you know it is a perfect moment, who holds your hand when you are debating to yourself if you should take his hand or creep your fingers near his and wait for him to find it and hold it, who kisses you when in your mind, you secretly wanted to.
7) Watching Meet the Robinsons in his couch where we would argue he’d rather admit he’s a nerd, like Lewis, than what I insist that I’d like him to be Goob because he’s cuter than Lewis.
I promise this would be my last blog post.
I won't blog again!
Promise, cross my heart, lightning may strike, whatever else…
November 8, 2009
I was supposed to blog about this as soon as arrived home but then I put it off because I just really want to digest everything that had happened to me.
Lloyd arranged for this dinner in this fancy restaurant. He had me all dressed up.
That night, too, Lloyd wasn’t himself. He’s not the sweet jock boyfriend that I know, he seemed like a mature gentleman winning a girl over.
I thought that was his intention, but I was wrong. In between the main course, when we were already having our usual laugh together, he just turned very seriously all of a sudden and proposed to me a break-up.
In my heart, I was filled with mixed emotions. I was surprised, first of all, because I have been thinking about it- bothering me- and now, it’s Lloyd who said it first and not me. At the same time, it felt like I was emotionally free, I don’t know, maybe it’s because I think all my worries about Lloyd vanished that instantly. But then, I was also sad. I never thought it will end this way, I loved Lloyd and I still do, it’s just that it’s different now.
He got to explain himself, how he thought about it, how he thought it was the right thing to do, that he still loves me but it can’t be helped. I accepted it, telling him that the days we were together were important to me and I’ll forever treasure and that I love him too but know that this is better.
We hugged then, and it was a warm hug, meaningful and lasting. We then finished the dinner with smiles in our faces, understanding each other more than we ever had.
Lloyd drove me home. The travel had been awkward since we were both silent. So in the midst of silence, I was surprised when he suddenly stopped by a fastfood restaurant. He asked me if it was okay to stay for a while because he’s waiting for something. I agreed and so we waited.
“Lloyd- sorry for keeping you waiting, we just had finished our meeting.”
I looked outside and saw Hue.
Now that was a surprise. What’s with these two guys?
Lloyd tilted his head to the back indicating to Hue that I was there. Hue smiled at me and asked, “You don’t mind eating fries with me inside?”
Lloyd did not look at me straight to the eye but through the ____ mirror. He just smiled but with the message that I should go. So as if Hue’s invitation was an imperative, I smiled back at Lloyd then got off the car.
Hue and I spent the rest of the night in the fastfood restaurant. He bought many foods, fatty foods, and ate them all. I just ate fries and had drinks since I was full with the dinner with Lloyd. I was just staring at him eating like a hungry child. He said he had not eaten much ever since the long meeting had begun. He asked me why I was looking at him… oddly. I told him I just never thought brain smarts like him eat meat too. When he gave me a querying look, I told him I thought they were vegetarians. We burst laughing awfully like that was some bomb kind of a joke. That’s how the nonstop trivia about ourselves, our getting-to-know stage, began.
When we noticed that the sky was already lightening up, we agreed to go home. He walked me home. By the time I close the door after waving goodbye to Hue, I was thinking…
Damn, I’m weirdly falling for the nerd…
THE MORE I SEE HIM AS A NERD
December 7, 2009
Nerd is a term, often bearing a derogatory connotation or stereotype, that refers to a person who passionately pursues intellectual activities, esoteric knowledge, or other obscure interests that are age-inappropriate, rather than engaging in more social or popular activities. Therefore, a nerd is often excluded from physical activity and considered a loner by peers, or will tend to associate with like-minded people.
That’s the probable reason why I called Hue a nerd. I thought he was all-intellectual, unattractive, and an antisocial person. But I found him the opposite of it and eventually fallen for him. After all the time I thought he was a nerd, he was in truth a cool person and I had a lot of weird fun with him, more than anything I had in my entire life.
And now, it was our one month together. Our first days as a couple were filled with queries of why-
Why him? Why dump Lloyd? Why did you choose the nerd? It’s like there is really an answer for all of these. Classmates and friends were saying that it’s okay to fall in love with a nerd, it’s just that they can’t believe it’s me who had. But then gradually, they had learned to accept it and we gradually turned into couple of the year- just as we are labeled in the Facebook pic.
And I’d love thinking about that, that for most, we are a perfect pair. I love Hue more each passing day. He would wait for me everyday at the school gates, help me with both academic and extra stuffs, surprise me every now and then, we would go out together, run under the rain, run against the sprinklers, hang out in the comedy bar, just lie on the grass, and I would wait outside the classroom for the meeting to end so that we can go home together, sit in front of him and watch him study in the library, wake him up to continue with his works, assignments, or plans, and etc.
But then inside my head, it dictates that as I love Hue more each day, my eyes were also opened to the fact that he is indeed a nerd.
Stereotypical nerd qualities have evolved in recent years, from awkwardness and social ostracism to an allegedly more widespread acceptance and sometimes even celebration of their abilities. This is largely attributable to the rise of the computer industry, which has allowed many "nerdy" people (most notably Bill Gates) to accumulate large fortunes and other measures of social prestige. Some measure of nerdiness is allegedly considered desirable, as to some, it suggests a person who is intelligent, respectful, interesting, and able to earn a large salary. Such views have arguably affected a waning emphasis on the social awkwardness of nerds, with more attention placed on their intelligence and academic enthusiasm.
My idea is to present an image to children that it is good to be intellectual, and not to care about the peer pressures to be anti-intellectual. I want every child to turn into a nerd - where that means someone who prefers studying and learning to competing for social dominance, which can unfortunately cause the downward spiral into social rejection.
— Gerald Sussman, quoted by Katie Hafner, The New York Times, 29 August 1993
Yes, he isn’t that ugly, object-of-bullying, loner type of guy but he was the kind who is intellectually powerful, powerful enough to manipulate everything else that he lacks thereof.
Although it may seem that he gets along well with people, I don’t know how I ever thought of it but I think it’s just his intellect working. Conversations with him are good conversations because he gets to pick up your interests, and he’s almost knowledgeable in every topic, which makes you feel light with him. He can be funny, but you know that it’s his intellect again working because he lets out only of witty things, always with meaning, and he never ever say anything nonsense.
He was academically and politically enthusiastic, and a lover of competition. He would stay up at night for tests and quizzes which only takes me 5 minutes of cramming to study. He would visit the library everyday to read the day’s newspaper and plan for the clubs he’s spearheading. He organizes everything weeks before and once he wants it done, will make it done. He loves joining decathlons and debates because for him, it is a release for everything that’s inside his head.
An episode from the animated series Freakazoid, titled "Nerdator", includes the use of nerds to power the mind of a Predator-like enemy, who delivers a memorable monologue on the importance of nerds:
...what they lack in physical strength they make up in brain power. Who writes all the best selling books? Nerds. Who directs the top grossing Hollywood movies? Nerds. Who creates the highly advanced technology that only they can understand? ...Nerds. And who are the people who run for the high office of the Presidency? No one but nerds.
One time when he fell asleep on his study table, I watched him with subtlety that a thought just suddenly popped in my head. What does our relationship mean to him? Who am I as a girlfriend for him? I wonder how nerds- intellectual, power-hungry type- define love.
I looked back at how everything started, looking from a point of view of a person who just realized the real nerdness of a certain Hue.
Maybe the change in the stage was indeed because of jealousy, not in a homosexual way, but in mind that he also wants to create. Maybe he had calculated the consequences of a simple kiss, schemingly planned how to steal me from Lloyd, settled meticulously a deal with him that’s why his and Lloyd’s feud had dissolved that easily. Maybe, he was just picking up on my interests and use his knowledge to keep up on me. Maybe he was doing everything else because according to his research, it’s what boyfriends do. Maybe he was telling me this and that because he doesn’t want to present a girlfriend who was physically and socially creatively apt but mentally and emotionally inept.
I shook my head then and run my hands through his hair. It was just me being emotional. Maybe I just hadn’t really grasped the fact that I was indeed in love with a nerd and that this nerd who is respected and loved by many is in love with me. Maybe I was just overwhelmed with the near-perfect relationship, too perfect, too good to be true.
Whichever way put, I was in love with him.The important thing is that he makes me happy…
But then forgive me for wondering how would he define his love for me… the nerdy definition.
October 10, 2009
You won’t believe what I discovered last night.
Due to my depression, I went to a comedy bar Krizia had taken me to last month. Although my intention was to laugh, I wasn’t listening to the stand-up comedians and instead was eavesdropping on the drama of the couple next to me. It made me smile consistently for almost until midnight.
Not until the stand-up comedians called out for a guy named Hue.
I instantly turned to the stage and found the nerd Hue in the stage. A table from where he’s seated just near the stage was wild, the people I don’t really recognize. The resident comedians were making fun of him and all. You won’t believe it but he spoke just one phrase, the crowd were laughing wildly. The comedians were shocked and one of them said that he liked him. He stayed there for quite a long time, throwing back humor to the stand-up comedians. People were really paying attention to their act, laughing at almost everything he says. I found myself laughing too, and thinking that maybe, I had misjudged him.
When he walked down the stage and back to his table, I decided that it’s time for me to go. Suddenly, I had this urge to observe him from where I am but then knew that I shouldn’t. So I paid my bill and go.
I texted my cousin Teddy to fetch me and minutes had already passed but I was still standing on the sidewalk waiting for his reply. I was already tapping my foot in impatience and discomfort.
I was yawning when I turned to my right and found Hue standing there. I immediately closed my mouth shut as he smirked at what he saw.
“I assume whoever you’re texting was not replying.”
I just looked at him then pretended to be watching out for some car arriving.
“And I assume it was supposed to be someone you asked to take you home but seemed to be not coming.”
I rolled my eyes, “Why do you always seem to know everything?”
Hue stood beside me, hands inside his pockets. “Maybe… but I certainly don’t know if you would like me to take you home.” he said, beaming.
I looked up at him as he was obviously taller, frowning in curiosity, “And your friends?”
“And you’re not?”
“I won’t ‘coz I know you’ll say yes.”
I smiled. “Look, I’m waiting for my cousin…”
He bent down to whisper on my ear, “You have been looking at your phone every now and then. My offer would be your safest choice.”
Right at that moment, I was asking myself how is this happening. How can a nerd make my heart skip beats?
“Well, if you want to walk me home, we might as well start now.” I said almost shyly as I started stepping. I heard him laugh softly and catch up with me.
“If you don’t mind, will you answer this question?” I asked. He nodded.
“Are you hitting on me?”
He just smiled one-sidedly, then said, “You seem to know things yourself.”
I pressed my lips.
“Have you remembered you were just punched by my boyfriend first period this morning?” I asked in light sarcasm.
He frowned, “Who was that guy anyway?”
I can’t believe him. He’s too confident dismissing Lloyd, like Lloyd was just some worm, like he was not my boyfriend. Although I feel bad he thinks of that in regards to Lloyd, I just can’t help feeling light with Hue. He wasn’t a boring nerd. He knows a lot of things, not only book stuff, but things in life… and it makes him better compared to any average person there is. Maybe, it’s what makes him unlike any other nerds- he has friends, lots of.
I know it was a bad choice to walk from the comedy bar to my house, because it requires a lot of walking. But then I know it was the best choice to make because even though my feet ached, I had experienced a different kind of fun with Hue.
TORN BETWEEN THE JOCK AND THE NERD (MUST I?)
October 26, 2009
Things had been pretty good these days.
Okay, maybe not really good.
I think having two guys compete for my attention was nice but not really nice.
Lloyd was extra sweet. He would give up practices just to take me out, he would oddly have study sessions with me, he would wait inside the auditorium until I finish or wait for cheerleading practices to end so that he could drive me home… I love Lloyd, but it had been quite different now.
And then Hue, he’s making quiet efforts. He would make me smile on occasions where we pass by each other, he would talk to me when we’re on a spot in the auditorium secluded from Lloyd’s sight, he would wake me up at midnight just to walk me to a seesaw nearby because according to him, that was his only way of getting into me without causing too much fuss.
I love them both.
Do I really have to choose?
October 8, 2009
There weren’t supposed to be classes. But then, Raffy- the theater club president, called last night and requested for participants in his crazy idea. Knowing that it means he has conceived an idea for another photo shoot, I said yes, and so there I was waiting with Ying, Klein, and Steffany in the auditorium an hour later from the 8:00 am call time. An hour waiting for Raffy…
We were having fun at the stage mimicking last night’s play when the auditorium door opened. It was Raffy with more of the theater club members. Each of them were bringing something, either a bulky costume, pieces of clothing, some furniture extraordinaire, or boxes which I assumed contained make-up, wigs, and a variety of accessories.
“Let’s get to business guys! Gather ‘round the stage please!”
It always starts with that. Raffy would gather us for him to deliver his wonderful concepts, as if some sort of story conference. That will take around 20 to 30 minutes. Yes, it takes that long for him to explain. It’s okay anyway, because by the time he’s finished, every one of us would have picked the idea, have the same picture in our heads, so that no more questions are asked and we all were going busy then.
I was doing make-up on Krizia when Gary entered the auditorium.
“I’m sorry guys! Hue and I had gone through a lot to have the bamboo you’re looking for Raf.”
At the mention of his name, I froze. Gary was rushing back outside and inside again, now carrying a couple of bamboo poles on whose other end, Hue was holding. He was still wearing his happy and eager demeanor. I turned my attention back to Krizia.
“It’s kind of Hue to help us out, you know.” she casually mentioned. I just shut up.
“Oh, and guys, for today, we have a guest photographer. Hue’s helping us.” Raffy said spreading his arm to present Hue. Hue smiled as everyone start to rumble things as a welcome. I am still feeling irritated but then by this time, what comes after is remembering what he did to me last night.
“Your bag. You left it last night.” Hue had put my bag on the chair beside me. He then turned away. I did not react. Then as if having no reaction at all was something wrong to do, Krizia looked at me with one raised brow. She asked me why I wasn’t angry or being rude.
“Do I have to?”
“No, but it’s what we should expect from you if the matter’s Hue.”
“Maybe something happened last night…” Gary said in passing. I immediately searched for his eyes. He looked down at his pocket for his phone. He flipped his phone open and flashed me a photo… of Hue kissing me. Krizia gasped as Gary closed the phone and smiled absently.
“What was that?” Krizia was mouthing, eyes wide.
“Keep your lips apart, I’m putting your lipstick.”
Krizia parted her lips, yet it didn’t stop her from asking. “Ay God, Sheorge, hi can’t helieve ith! How did that hahen?”
“Just shut up Krish, I don’t know what to think about it, you know.”
“Ee haf tho thalk abouth ith lather oke?”
For how many times, Hue and I accidentally stare and it always reminds me of last night… the kiss. Then my heart would pound hard and I’m not liking it.
What have I gotten myself into?
October 9, 2009
Yesterday was the only time I dreadfully opened my Facebook account. Some Siobhan Villana had posted that one photo of Hue and me kissing. It had gained 168 comments and a lot of likes… and still counting.
I immediately texted Gary and Krizia- the only persons who knew about what happened.
Gary: I don’t knw bout dat gurl!
Krizia: Ive seen dat 2.. Uhm, George, I think sum1 had seen 8 on my fone. I think its Janin coz last nyt we hang out and coz Siobhan s her cuzin.
Damn that freshman as if. What good could the picture give her?
I’ve opened the photo in another tab to see all the comments. Super random…
Glen: Delicious kiss… (he’s the classroom’s trickster)
Hilary: I never thought Hue can be this yummy! (co-cheerleader, flirt)
Anne: Me too, Hue! (dumb cheerleader, and flirt)
McCartney: Me too, George! (the sexually connotated geek, yuck!)
Harold: Has Lloyd seen this? (Lloyd’s best friend, shit)
Jayma: What’s gotten into you, George? Lloyd not enough for you? (I don’t know her)
Krizia: Shut up, Jayma- whoever you are. What year are you in? (Shit Krizia, you’re commenting to this?)
Justine: Couple of the year? (yearbook editor, know-it-all)
Mary: Yeah right, the it-girl and the nerd, LOL (Justine’s sidekick)
Krizia: I wouldn’t care if a nerd’s that hot! (Shut up, Krish)
Okay, so that was the scandal in Facebook. This morning, I thought I can’t bear to go to school. And yes, I was right. Students were staring at me, murmuring to each other, some with sour faces, some smiling, some laughing, some with brows up, some wide-eyed. I immediately pulled out Krizia and Gary from a group of gossipers when I caught sight of them. Krizia was instantly saying sorry repeatedly and I dismissed her by saying that they should never leave me because I can’t bear walking ‘round the campus alone, people looking at me.
The first period was the awkward-est of all awkward moments. Ms. Hontiveros, our English teacher, was fond of exploring on our thoughts that every time she gives us an essay assignment, she would waste one whole period just for sharing, a boring time for all of us.
Not this day though. It was a given opportunity for everyone to talk about the issue.
This round’s essay was to describe our own heaven if we were Susie Salmon of Lovely Bones. McCartney was first, saying all his sexual fantasies, receiving yucks and ews from our classmates, including having him instead of Hue in the Facebook-famed photo. Gary was next saying he would have a play everyday in his heaven with Calvin Klein fragrance. Then, Lloyd came in late, his eyes glued hard on Hue as he found his seat at my back.
“Hey Babe…” he whispered. I turned and looked at him. He looked pitiful.
Mary had said she wanted a heaven where she was the editor-in-chief of Vogue, with Justine raising one brow in her seat.
“About the photo-“
“Shh…,” he stopped me, “I love you.”
Then I just smiled and turned to the front. In my head, I know I was supposed to say something, but I really just couldn’t figure what.
Krizia was saying that in her heaven, she was a superstar, paparazzi surrounding her, in a Christian Dior scented heaven. Oh, and with Brad Pitt as her husband…
When it was Lloyd’s turn, he said his heaven would nothing else but have him and only me in it, no one can go in, for it was surrounded by a force field of electricity. In his paradise, no one will touch me. No other guy owns me. That may have been sounded selfish but I guess it was sweet. But then when I looked at Lloyd, he was clutching his paper almost crumpling it, eyes on Hue. Every student in the room was whispering to each other. Ms. Hontiveros tapped the board hard to silence us. Then she called out Hue for his essay. Hue shoved everything off like he doesn’t care about everything he sees and hears.
As what you would expect from an honor student and student body president, his heaven consisted of he being in the self-actualized status, success, et cetera et cetera. Right, nerds…
“This is a heaven expected of me. The real thing is my heaven is just simple, surreal but simple.” Then he motioned to his seat. Surreal? I think that was weird.
Ms. Hontiveros stopped him and asked him if that was all, if he could at least explain that simple heaven.
“Like Lloyd,” he was looking at Lloyd, “I also want to have someone in my heaven,” he was looking at me, “and she will only know what that heaven would be.”
Ms. Hontiveros was silent, my classmates Whoa-ed and murmurs here and there, and Hue was still staring at me plainly. Then after almost like forever, everyone snapped into reality. Ms. Hontiveros called over Glen as Hue went back to his seat and saw that Lloyd’s gaze was following him too… with a clenched fist.
When the bell rang and Ms. Hontiveros out of the room, Lloyd stood up and punched Hue which knocked him off his feet and into the floor.
“Take your hands, your eyes and your lips, off my girl.”
Hue stood up coolly, fixing his glasses and shirt, which made Lloyd felt insulted. He grabbed Hue’s shirt and pulled him close to him to punch him in the stomach then pushed him against the wall. He gave another punch at which Hue ducked and moved on his side. When Lloyd faced Hue, Hue hit him hard on the face unexpectedly. It knocked him down on the floor. Lloyd, although in a shock, started to get up to regain his dignity. But then I ran in between them and told them to stop. When the atmosphere became quieter, I walked out of the room to get some air.
Lloyd followed me outside, held my arm, turn me to face him and put his arms around my waist. I told him he shouldn’t have done that. He tightened his arms to pull me close to him and whispered I love you. I told him that I just want to be alone then I pulled away from him and walked away.
I skipped classes and the whole day I was going places.
I was lost.
I really don’t know what to do. My world’s shaky.
September 29, 2009
I was so excited about my greatest theater masterpiece, my last one for high school. I just came home half past three from cheerleading championships in Bacolod (wherein we nailed it!) but I immediately rushed to the auditorium to see how things were going. For us seniors, this will be our last play and we decided we’ll have it big time. I’ve spent many sleepless nights only thinking of the perfect stage and costume, the stage especially. I had fun creating the 60’s costume in my mind and I had sketched it in an instant. But with the stage, I crumpled nearly all of the packs of bond paper I have bought from the bookstore. And then I had sketched the perfect stage design, the best that I have ever thought of in my entire life!
I was so excited about how they were going with my design when, after I have opened the auditorium doors, I found a different stage, so different from my own sketch. I was walking into the stage when Gary was excitingly walking towards me, a guy following his back smiling. He was tall, lean, with a strong jaw line in a long face covered with his curly hair. He was wearing glasses.
“Hey cheerleader, you’re back! Guess what? Hue here is helping us with the stage, don’t you think it’s just lovely?”
He was about to formally introduce me to Hue, you know, Hue this is George and George this is Hue. Yeah I know. He was the overly prudent to-be valedictorian of our class. But I interrupted that by asking Gary about my own stage sketch. He told me he had showed Hue the sketch and he made a ‘suggestion’ and at that, that nerd had the nerve to offer his hand to shake. I ignored him and asked for Gary to talk privately with me.
“I was just showing your sketch to him because we’re lab partners. And he made a suggestion and I thought it was good. Look, George, it’s not that I’m underestimating your talent. Your sketch was great! But then Hue’s right too. It wasn’t that eye-popping.”
And since when nerds have a taste?
So that’s it. That whole day, I just did what else I could do to help, thinking it will take my mind off the intrusion. But then when I turn my back to the stage for one last time before finally exiting the auditorium, I was appalled. My heart just sinks at the idea that my hard work was for nothing.
I hate that nerd.
THE NERD’S GETTING INTO MY NERVES
October 5, 2009
I cant stand him. He’s jst dis know it ol. Wel, fyn I know he’s d valedictorian. But wat d hel? He’s trying 2 b frendly. Argh, he’s jst so irritating.
INTO MY NERVES
October 5, 2009
We had been very busy with the play. It was so tiring. I had fitted the costumes today with the actors and I’ll do the sewing after posting this entry.
I just need to fire out this Hue-induced hypertension.
Every single day that we’re preparing for the play, he was there too, overseeing his stage and everyone else as if he’s officially a theater club member. He has been meddling with almost everything else.
I know he knows I’m giving him the cold shoulder. And that’s why he’s been trying to act nicely. Whenever we pass by each other in the campus, he would smile at me and greet me. At the classroom, he would pick up my pen when I’ve dropped it or answer the question when he felt like I had been standing for ages because I don’t know the answer to the teacher’s question. In the auditorium, he would offer a hand when I was carrying big plastic bags on my hands or when I was lifting chairs.
Nerds are really try-hard social people.
APPLAUSE FOR (NOT) MY WORK
October 7, 2009
Today was the day of the play. It went well and when it ended, it was like a theater show of the decade. Along the play, I watch my costumes and I felt proud of myself. When I look at the stage design, I can’t help looking at that nerd seated on the first row to my right. My head just gets filled up seeing him having fun with the play. It felt like he has let himself in uninvited and feel like the most important member in just a snap. But then, the more my flames rage when after the play, people are congratulating me for the wonderful stage, for the very modern take on stage design, for the stage that caught their eye in an instant.
Your design was good, very intricate and perfect even, but then I think it was not eye-catching enough. I just made little changes.
That was what he told me. His little changes meant an over-all revision of my work, leaving the lettering of the play title and the bushes on one side of the stage as my original work. I can hear applauses and compliments for it but then I can’t help feeling so insulted because in the first place, that was not my work!
My theater friends, as usual, went out to celebrate, but I decided to stay on the auditorium. I sat at the middle aisle, on the middlemost seat and waited for everyone to leave until I was the only person left. I was looking at the stage, envisioning my own work on the stage and not that nerd’s ‘revised’ design with a heavy heart when I was surprised by a whisper.
“Nice job, George.”
When I turned around, there stood Hue wearing that friendly smile in his face, a face that I just can’t stand. Instantly, I stood up and walked heavily towards the door.
Hue: *laughing* What’s the matter?
Me: What’s the matter? You’re asking me that?
Hue: *confused* Uhm, yeah?
Me: Don’t play idiot on me, nerd! Don’t pretend you’re the hero just because you’re giving the credits to me.
Hue: Well, you designed that, of course. And people liked it…
Me: It’s NOT MY WORK! That’s YOUR stage, not mine! *words echoing in the empty auditorium, walking back to Hue*
Hue: You’re angry? *that was with some sort of sarcasm*
Me: *stops in place, glaring*
Hue: Okay. I’m sorry. I just thought that I could still do something to make it better.
Me: Now you’re talking… *arms crossed*
Hue: I swear, I didn’t mean to-
Me: Intrude? Ha! You’re right, that was what every self-righteous, attention-seeking, ego-driven, homo nerds always do. You do what you want at the expense of others.
Hue: Who told you that?
Me: I did, why would anyone have to tell me what to say?
Hue: No, no… the gay part.
Me: *confused, slightly* Every one does. And you have just proven that to me. You’re jealous of me because I am every woman that you are not. You-
Kablaam! It happened. He held my face and kissed me… on the lips. I really don’t know how to describe that feeling. I mean, one minute I was thinking he’s this gay nerd who thinks I’m competition and now-
When he pulled back, he said right into my face, “I would have passed you calling me nerd. But I’m not gay.”
I froze. I just had looked stupid there! All I did was to turn around with dignity and walk out of the auditorium when I realized I have forgotten my bag. But I’m not going back there. The hell with the bag.
I was thinking maybe, he just did that because he’s in denial. But then it just can’t be. See, I know it wasn’t just a homo kiss. You know, what homo and bisexuals do, casual kisses on the lips. He’s even better than my jock boyfriend.
5 THINGS YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW ABOUT NERDS
March 24, 2010
I tried sleeping but I can’t.
I woke up at around 11. Maybe I slept too early. My body clock had somehow adjusted to a late-night sleep and wake-up time of four or five hours after. But then I told myself tonight I’ll sleep early so by tomorrow, graduation day, I’ll look my best.
Maybe I’m just too excited, or too sad, about the occasion. Maybe I love the fact that finally, I’m going to college and be with my father in Manila to study the Arts. Maybe, I can’t sleep because I’m not yet prepared to leave my mother and my younger brother. I guess that just defines the word annulment: ambivalence.
And speaking of separation of two couples, I can’t sleep because I had dreamt for a while about my ex. When I woke up, it stroke me that I should blog about something great that had entered my mind in that instant. So here I go.
5 things you might not know about nerds:
1) They can kiss.
2) They have a sense of humor.
3) They are not vegetarian.
4) They can punch.
5) They can break hearts.
Movies have typical depictions of nerds. I have met one and fallen in love with him, and I can attest to the fallacy movies show. The one I’ve fallen in love with made me cry and maybe it’s the first time you’ve heard of something like that.
Tomorrow, he’ll stand there by the podium and deliver his valedictory speech. I want to be happy for him but then I know that once I get to see him, look at him, hear him speak of his victory, I will cry. I don’t want to blame his achievements it’s just that it reminds me that he’s still a nerd: all for academics.
Hope I won’t cry in my sleep.
March 26, 2010
I would have wanted to talk about the feeling of a new graduate, of my plans in the future. But then I can’t seem to do that. Honestly, I was kind of tipsy or maybe drunk but I was just denying, because I just got home from Smallville. The graduation ceremony ended around seven in the evening. My mother had prepared dinner so I stayed for a while to entertain the visitors she had invited. None of my classmates came because they were all busy with their family dinners and for their night out plan. My theater club friends especially were insistent about me coming with them. Let’s say goodbye to high school, shall we? France was saying. I only agreed when Gary, the one who knew well the reason why I would prefer staying at home, whispered to me, “He’s not coming.”
In short, my entry will be about Hue. And sorry if I’m playing the emo side of me, I just had enough alcohol to fuel it.
I’ve tried my hardest chanting Please don’t let me see him in my mind. I have been quite successful not until the prophesized moment came. When his name was called, I closed my eyes. As he began speaking, I’ve wished I could cover my ears too. Because for me, it seemed like every sense of him just makes my heart too fragile to beat.
Those were his first words. I never heard the rest. I stood up as casual as I can and walked outside the auditorium. I sat by a bench in the lobby together with an eight-year-old who was busy playing with his PSP. When I looked around the empty lobby, I confirmed I’ve gone crazy. Nobody wants to miss the graduation, especially the valedictory speech as it is tradition that valedictory speeches are exceptional. But here I go, childish, like the little boy beside me.
But then he has a good excuse for being here. He has nothing to do with speeches while I was one of the graduates and I was supposed to be hearing that too. It was supposed to be an inspiration but for me, it will only sound like a rejection.
Minutes later, the exit door opened and noise filled the lobby again. I received a text message from Ivy that it’s time for picture-taking. I entered the auditorium all-relieved that I hadn’t shed a single tear.
The rest of the night, I haven’t seen him but I can hear his name. Here and there, they were talking about the valedictorian and how he had given the best speech the school had ever had. Joy whispered to me, “He talked about sacrifices,” despite the noise of a party going. Gary elbowed her and told me, “You should have listened.” I just looked at the both of them with a half-sided smile. “It’s better that I haven’t,” I said although deep in my mind, I would have wanted to know if he ever talked about me or us in his speech. I would have wanted to know if he ever cared about our relationship at one point in his academic years.
Today’s day 178 since I noticed you.
Too bad it hasn’t lasted ‘til 200.